Will work for change??

Every time I post, I seem to consistently say that I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I haven’t. I think that it’s because I feel like I should have something important to write about before I post it (This is clearly not a true mindset as we can tell from me previous postings). So I am just going to catch up and start writing more often about topics that have crossed my mind but never been posted. What’s more amusing is that I’ve seen the number of hits on my blog and I’m pretty sure that I’m the only one reading.

I’m currently struggling with finding a purpose in what I do. I guess I should preface this with the fact that I am currently exhausted from being over worked.

I work in the education industry and I enjoy the fact that I get to interact with college students on a regular basis. I think my struggles starts with the fact that I had this utopian idea that I can help students grow and learn and that my desire to do that is the same as all others that work on campus. I didn’t go in to my position so delusional that I thought I would change the world. I’m a realist. I know that there are going to be conflicting thoughts and ideas, but I believed that in the long run, everyone is working towards the betterment of the students. I’ve been running in to so many walls these days that I don’t really know if I can believe that.

Why do I work in higher education with the extremely low pay and long hours? I always tell myself it’s because I can make an impact. That I am the one that is helping develop the future leaders of the world. What I do matters. I could be working in a corporate world making more money and actually have the ability to fire people that don’t do their job, but I would have to work for a corrupt company. I wouldn’t make as much of an impact on society. I know I’m good at what I do, but I don’t know if I have the drive to actually do it anymore. Why am I wasting so much time and heartache on things that won’t be fixed? How many administrators above me started out thinking the same thing I did coming in to the profession? Did they think they could make an impact then slowly turn in to the boulders that new professionals can’t get past? Even if I start succeeding and moving up within the field, am I going to change my tune and be the blockade for new professionals? Why continue the cycle, but why fight the cycle that seems inevitable?