Have you ever had your heart broken? You know that feeling the next day... that weird hangover feeling? You know that you need to move on, but your insides still ache? It's awful.
Imagine this:
Imagine that you have been seeing someone for quite some time. Years in fact. You've established a very close relationship. You know everything about each other. Most important, you trust each other. This person has promised you so many things and, over the years, has fulfilled all those promises. Even sometimes when it looked like they weren't going to, they somehow found a way to follow through. They never let you down. Until one day, that all comes crashing down. You find out they lied to you and they can't give you all that they guaranteed. Not only have they lied to you, they decide to let you find out about it in front of a bunch of other people. All you can do is stand there in disbelief. You feel shame, humiliation, and most of all, you feel hurt. So hurt, it makes your insides tense. You feel sick to your stomach. The only thing you want to do is curl up in to a ball and hide at home, losing all connection to the world. As one of my friends suggests "Drink until you don't feel feelings. Sometimes that's best." I can't say I always take his advice, but sometimes it just makes sense. This feeling sits inside you for days as you sprawl out on your couch in your ratty pajamas thinking of all the things that could have been. Rehashing the scenario in your mind over and over while trying to come up with ways it could have been different. Hoping for some sort of solution that will make the hurt go away.
Sound familiar at all? It certainly does to me. That's because I'm a Boise State fan. Not just a fan, but an alum. I've been connected to Boise State for 10 years now. We've had some close calls, but somehow, Boise always follows through. This year is a little different. Boise's football team promised me that this year is the year that we will show the country that the BCS is a flawed system. This year is the year we would, again, go undefeated. This year is the year that we would be taking a trip all the way to the Championship Game. Well, apparently, this year is the year that we were reminded that we need to work on our kicking game. This year is also the year where I will have to deal with the humiliation and heartbreak of another chance that slipped through our hands. Yes, I've been in a relationship with Boise State football for years and she let me down. She made promises she couldn't keep and then decided to announce her failure to me in front of millions. I've been sick to my stomach since the final failed kick. Right after the game, I went straight home. I turned off my phone, computer and TV. I didn't need any reminders of the pain. I could still see it in my head. I may have had a drink or three with the roommate to mourn the event (no one will know the true number of beverages except whoever picks up our recycling). I moped around in my pajamas while revising the last plays of the game. If we didn't fumble, TCU wouldn't have scored. If we had made the tackle, TCU wouldn't have completed the 2 point conversion. If this, then that... If this, then that... No amount of reasoning is going to change the outcome of the game. It's heartbreaking, but it's true. I'm a horrible loser. The one thing you can do after a break up to keep your mind off the situation is to keep busy. I went up skiing today to try to forget about the agony of defeat. It worked for the most part, but there were still moments where I relapsed. As with any break up, this will happen for awhile. The only way to heal a broken heart is to give it time.
I do want to be clear, I'm not breaking up with Boise State Football. But after last week's betrayal, we may be on a break... until next Saturday.
Listening to Tristan Prettyman.
