Every time I post, I seem to consistently say that I haven’t written on my blog in a long time. I haven’t. I think that it’s because I feel like I should have something important to write about before I post it (This is clearly not a true mindset as we can tell from me previous postings). So I am just going to catch up and start writing more often about topics that have crossed my mind but never been posted. What’s more amusing is that I’ve seen the number of hits on my blog and I’m pretty sure that I’m the only one reading.
I’m currently struggling with finding a purpose in what I do. I guess I should preface this with the fact that I am currently exhausted from being over worked.
I work in the education industry and I enjoy the fact that I get to interact with college students on a regular basis. I think my struggles starts with the fact that I had this utopian idea that I can help students grow and learn and that my desire to do that is the same as all others that work on campus. I didn’t go in to my position so delusional that I thought I would change the world. I’m a realist. I know that there are going to be conflicting thoughts and ideas, but I believed that in the long run, everyone is working towards the betterment of the students. I’ve been running in to so many walls these days that I don’t really know if I can believe that.
Why do I work in higher education with the extremely low pay and long hours? I always tell myself it’s because I can make an impact. That I am the one that is helping develop the future leaders of the world. What I do matters. I could be working in a corporate world making more money and actually have the ability to fire people that don’t do their job, but I would have to work for a corrupt company. I wouldn’t make as much of an impact on society. I know I’m good at what I do, but I don’t know if I have the drive to actually do it anymore. Why am I wasting so much time and heartache on things that won’t be fixed? How many administrators above me started out thinking the same thing I did coming in to the profession? Did they think they could make an impact then slowly turn in to the boulders that new professionals can’t get past? Even if I start succeeding and moving up within the field, am I going to change my tune and be the blockade for new professionals? Why continue the cycle, but why fight the cycle that seems inevitable?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Enjoying the sights...
I went home for the holidays and got a chance to get around nature a bit. I traveled to the hills and the beaches and even got a chance to catch a small snowstorm. There's nothing better than capturing a moment on camera and remember the freedom and the refreshing feelings you felt while you were taking the picture.
Every time I explore near home, I realize that I am lucky to have grown up in such a beautiful place. I never cease to find something beautiful.
I know I'm not a photographer. I don't claim to be. I wish I had the talent to capture the world the way I see it. Sometimes the pictures turn out that way, but most the time, the picture seems more bland than what I see. I don't know if that means that I exaggerate beauty in my head or if it just isn't captured the moment that I take the picture. Either way, I get to remember the joy and openness of the moment.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Old Arab Man and Dolphins Plus 8
Wow, so this will be my first post for 2009. I guess I’m a little behind on things. What awkward encounters have I had lately? Well, I’m not really sure. I guess I haven’t had many ridiculous situations. But I have started to take a look at things around me and you bet your bottom that I have opinions about them. So here goes:
*I met a nice old Arab man in the Johnson City Airport (it’s another awkward story as to why I was there in the first place). By old I mean that he was probably in his late 60s. He owns a gift shop in the Virgin Islands. We were both waiting for our rides and he asked if he could join me while I waited. I was sitting at the end of a row of chairs and had my purse next to me, so I said yes, thinking he would follow social norms and sit one chair away from me. Oh no. Not him, he moved my purse and sat right next to me. I tried to look interested in my book and also played with my phone to show him that I didn’t want to have a conversation. He didn’t understand me at all. He invited me to visit him in the Virgin Islands, he gave me his card, it was over the top. I couldn’t figure out what on earth made him think that I was remotely interested. Finally he asked if I could watch his bags while he went to the gift shop. I was thankful for that time away from him, so I said sure. At that time, my ride arrived but I didn’t want to be too rude and leave his bags, so I waved at him in the gift shop to let him know. He came running out and gave me a hug (I was already trying to back away, but I got stuck). He then went in to kiss me! I was absolutely appalled to think that he would have got that idea from me at all. It was a struggle to just get away from his grasp and he ended up kissing me on the cheek because I couldn’t get away. To make matters worse, 3 days later, I get a phone call from him. He somehow searched my name and found my phone number. Crazy stalker. I hung up on him and haven’t heard from him since. Hopefully it will stay that way. Talk about awkward and persistent! My friends picking me up just thought it was funny. They were wrong.
*Jon and Kate Plus 8: NO ONE CARES! Your real life is more dramatic than your show. But the part that is more astounding to me is that people actually feel that it’s necessary to follow your life. How many divorces happen per year in the U.S. that do not make national headlines? Let’s keep going with this trend and stop talking about them. Not to save them the embarrassment, but save me from wanting to poke my eyes out every time it comes up in the National News. Seriously, is there nothing more important going on in the world?
*I went to a lake house this weekend. This lake house looked like they robbed a local gift shop. To say that they loved dolphins would be an understatement. This had dolphin statues, fountains, figurines, murals… you name it, and they had it in dolphin. They even build a shelf to specifically hold all their dolphin things. Now if that were all, I would think that they really liked dolphins, but they may not be certifiably insane. The thing is, they also had everything else you can imagine from a gift shop. Their refrigerator was covered in similar looking magnets with different motivational quotes on them. It looked like they just saw the wall of magnets and said “I’ll take one of each.” Their house was covered in cute little signs that said things like “Take your fond memories with you” or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”. I don’t think that they ever learned that “less is more” when it comes to decorating. To even add up the amount of money they may have spent on this crap is mind boggling! I didn’t get a chance to meet the couple that owned the place, but I have to assume that they would just pass out money to anyone they met because they have no issues with wasting cash.
*I’ve officially started looking for and applying for jobs. Here’s the problem: there are no positions that I want that are available. I don’t really know what to do about that. I just keep looking at job search websites on a daily basis waiting with my fingers crossed that something will appear. Not a great plan, but I don’t know what other options I really have. I’ve been debating changing the field that I am in so that I can give myself more options. It’s tempting, and I am thinking very seriously about that option. Hmmm… maybe my next post will involve some crazy interview debacle… One can only hope!
*I met a nice old Arab man in the Johnson City Airport (it’s another awkward story as to why I was there in the first place). By old I mean that he was probably in his late 60s. He owns a gift shop in the Virgin Islands. We were both waiting for our rides and he asked if he could join me while I waited. I was sitting at the end of a row of chairs and had my purse next to me, so I said yes, thinking he would follow social norms and sit one chair away from me. Oh no. Not him, he moved my purse and sat right next to me. I tried to look interested in my book and also played with my phone to show him that I didn’t want to have a conversation. He didn’t understand me at all. He invited me to visit him in the Virgin Islands, he gave me his card, it was over the top. I couldn’t figure out what on earth made him think that I was remotely interested. Finally he asked if I could watch his bags while he went to the gift shop. I was thankful for that time away from him, so I said sure. At that time, my ride arrived but I didn’t want to be too rude and leave his bags, so I waved at him in the gift shop to let him know. He came running out and gave me a hug (I was already trying to back away, but I got stuck). He then went in to kiss me! I was absolutely appalled to think that he would have got that idea from me at all. It was a struggle to just get away from his grasp and he ended up kissing me on the cheek because I couldn’t get away. To make matters worse, 3 days later, I get a phone call from him. He somehow searched my name and found my phone number. Crazy stalker. I hung up on him and haven’t heard from him since. Hopefully it will stay that way. Talk about awkward and persistent! My friends picking me up just thought it was funny. They were wrong.
*Jon and Kate Plus 8: NO ONE CARES! Your real life is more dramatic than your show. But the part that is more astounding to me is that people actually feel that it’s necessary to follow your life. How many divorces happen per year in the U.S. that do not make national headlines? Let’s keep going with this trend and stop talking about them. Not to save them the embarrassment, but save me from wanting to poke my eyes out every time it comes up in the National News. Seriously, is there nothing more important going on in the world?
*I went to a lake house this weekend. This lake house looked like they robbed a local gift shop. To say that they loved dolphins would be an understatement. This had dolphin statues, fountains, figurines, murals… you name it, and they had it in dolphin. They even build a shelf to specifically hold all their dolphin things. Now if that were all, I would think that they really liked dolphins, but they may not be certifiably insane. The thing is, they also had everything else you can imagine from a gift shop. Their refrigerator was covered in similar looking magnets with different motivational quotes on them. It looked like they just saw the wall of magnets and said “I’ll take one of each.” Their house was covered in cute little signs that said things like “Take your fond memories with you” or “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”. I don’t think that they ever learned that “less is more” when it comes to decorating. To even add up the amount of money they may have spent on this crap is mind boggling! I didn’t get a chance to meet the couple that owned the place, but I have to assume that they would just pass out money to anyone they met because they have no issues with wasting cash.
*I’ve officially started looking for and applying for jobs. Here’s the problem: there are no positions that I want that are available. I don’t really know what to do about that. I just keep looking at job search websites on a daily basis waiting with my fingers crossed that something will appear. Not a great plan, but I don’t know what other options I really have. I’ve been debating changing the field that I am in so that I can give myself more options. It’s tempting, and I am thinking very seriously about that option. Hmmm… maybe my next post will involve some crazy interview debacle… One can only hope!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Because people say you are supposed to reflect on the year...
As the New Year approaches, a lot of people look over the past year and reflect. I absolutely hate that idea, but I did it unwillingly this morning, and here is what I came up with.
1. My employer will not fire anyone. Does this stop me from working ridiculous hours? No. Why? I have no idea. I guess I need to get a better grasp on my work/life balance… especially since I would have to go completely crazy before they let me go.
2. You can’t make someone like you. It’s kinda like the song: I Can’t Make You Love Me If You Don’t by Bonnie Rait. Not that I’m looking to make anyone love me, but I think it goes the same for friendships, work relationships, or anything. If someone doesn’t like you, there isn’t a way to make them. It’s only taken me about 25 years to figure that out, but I think that puts me pretty far ahead of the game compared to some people. I have never referenced Bonnie Rait before, and hopefully when I reflect on this fairly lame blog, I will realize that I should never do it again.
3. Running a marathon isn’t that hard. Yeah, it takes a little bit of commitment and a nice pair of running shoes, but that’s about it. Don’t ever think otherwise. Marathoners want you to think that it’s some difficult feat... it’s just not.
4. I have spent countless hours thinking about and going out with men that I truly don’t care about. It was brought to my attention the other day that I have not dated someone I actually care about it quite some time. Sure, I go out with people and have fun, and if I don’t go out with them, how am I going to know if I will end up caring about them, but overall, I accept a date for the fact that later on will be a good story to tell. My dating has now turned into entertainment. Yes, I think that dating should be entertaining, but I shouldn’t be dating someone just to be entertained. I even accept dates with people that I know are completely emotionally unavailable because it makes it easier for me to focus on the entertainment. Of course I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but when the guy doesn’t really care about me anyway, it’s much less likely that I will hurt his feelings. Now that I have realized this in my painful reflection of the year, what am I going to do about it? Well, absolutely nothing. Why do you ask? Because who the hell wants to date a Texan anyway!
5. Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream always makes everything better… even if you are lactose intolerant.
6. Most people in the world are good at heart. I know, I sound like Anne Frank, but I’m not hiding in an attic, so there’s a bit of a difference. I’ve run in to many people over the past year that mean well. Most people want to help, be a friend, and make other’s have a better life. The people you run in to on a daily basis that cause you grief are probably just having a rough day.
7. Celebrity gossip will age you. If you are caught up in what all the celebrities are doing, you miss out on your own life.
8. Playing with dogs will always put a smile on my face.
So I guess those are the things that I have reflected on this morning when I have looked back at my year. I am sure that I could come up with many more lessons, but that would require me to spend more than 10 minutes on this. It would also require me to reflect more, and I don’t really think that’s something I’m going to do, so hopefully this wonderful insight will work. I know… I am so insightful, right?
1. My employer will not fire anyone. Does this stop me from working ridiculous hours? No. Why? I have no idea. I guess I need to get a better grasp on my work/life balance… especially since I would have to go completely crazy before they let me go.
2. You can’t make someone like you. It’s kinda like the song: I Can’t Make You Love Me If You Don’t by Bonnie Rait. Not that I’m looking to make anyone love me, but I think it goes the same for friendships, work relationships, or anything. If someone doesn’t like you, there isn’t a way to make them. It’s only taken me about 25 years to figure that out, but I think that puts me pretty far ahead of the game compared to some people. I have never referenced Bonnie Rait before, and hopefully when I reflect on this fairly lame blog, I will realize that I should never do it again.
3. Running a marathon isn’t that hard. Yeah, it takes a little bit of commitment and a nice pair of running shoes, but that’s about it. Don’t ever think otherwise. Marathoners want you to think that it’s some difficult feat... it’s just not.
4. I have spent countless hours thinking about and going out with men that I truly don’t care about. It was brought to my attention the other day that I have not dated someone I actually care about it quite some time. Sure, I go out with people and have fun, and if I don’t go out with them, how am I going to know if I will end up caring about them, but overall, I accept a date for the fact that later on will be a good story to tell. My dating has now turned into entertainment. Yes, I think that dating should be entertaining, but I shouldn’t be dating someone just to be entertained. I even accept dates with people that I know are completely emotionally unavailable because it makes it easier for me to focus on the entertainment. Of course I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but when the guy doesn’t really care about me anyway, it’s much less likely that I will hurt his feelings. Now that I have realized this in my painful reflection of the year, what am I going to do about it? Well, absolutely nothing. Why do you ask? Because who the hell wants to date a Texan anyway!
5. Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream always makes everything better… even if you are lactose intolerant.
6. Most people in the world are good at heart. I know, I sound like Anne Frank, but I’m not hiding in an attic, so there’s a bit of a difference. I’ve run in to many people over the past year that mean well. Most people want to help, be a friend, and make other’s have a better life. The people you run in to on a daily basis that cause you grief are probably just having a rough day.
7. Celebrity gossip will age you. If you are caught up in what all the celebrities are doing, you miss out on your own life.
8. Playing with dogs will always put a smile on my face.
So I guess those are the things that I have reflected on this morning when I have looked back at my year. I am sure that I could come up with many more lessons, but that would require me to spend more than 10 minutes on this. It would also require me to reflect more, and I don’t really think that’s something I’m going to do, so hopefully this wonderful insight will work. I know… I am so insightful, right?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Children and elderly need to be kept under control...
So it’s been awhile. I’m not really good at keeping up with anything, let alone a blog that no one really reads. What have I been doing that has kept me away from rambling about the awkwardness of my life? Nothing really. I guess I just ramble about my awkwardness to different people so I haven’t had time to write it down. I was training for a marathon. I completed it about a month ago. I finished it under my goal time, which was really cool. I would actually do another marathon. It was pretty fun. Everyone was overly friendly though. I mean, just because we are running the same race doesn’t mean I need to know your life story. There were 33,000 people running the race. If I cared about each person’s reason for running the race, I would still be in San Antonio listening to everyone’s story of triumph.
The cool part about the race was that we got to enjoy the city before I ran. My mom came to visit and we did some site seeing. We got to check out a couple of the missions in San Antonio. They were pretty interesting. There was a lady with a small child in one of the sanctuaries. The child decided it was a good idea to scream… I think it was because he liked hearing it echo. Rather than stop the kid from screaming or bring the child outside, the mother just looked at us, then looked at the kid and said “A little quieter honey”. WHAT?!? A little quieter? How about “don’t scream or you will get it”? That’s gonna stop the kid from screaming. The child kept screaming and rather than do anything about it, the mother just ignored him. Yeah, my mom had to stop me from going over there to let the kid know that it was not appropriate to scream. The child was at least 4 years old… old enough to know right and wrong, that’s for sure. Now I believe in God, but I’m not very religious, so the only option we had was to get out of God’s House to avoid the child. Totally ridiculous. The grounds of the missions were beautiful, minus the “historic” coke machine that was in the sleeping areas. Really? Did they need to add a coke machine out in the mission area? Could they not have just kept them at the visitors center? It was difficult to photograph much of the mission because there were so many elderly people wandering around peering at everything. Even when they noticed that I was taking a picture, they just apologized and walked through it. Why even apologize then? So confusing.
So I guess there is no point to my story other than: I haven’t written in my pointless blog for quite some time. I went to San Antonio to run a marathon. It was fun. Kids need to be kept under control. So do the elderly. :)
The cool part about the race was that we got to enjoy the city before I ran. My mom came to visit and we did some site seeing. We got to check out a couple of the missions in San Antonio. They were pretty interesting. There was a lady with a small child in one of the sanctuaries. The child decided it was a good idea to scream… I think it was because he liked hearing it echo. Rather than stop the kid from screaming or bring the child outside, the mother just looked at us, then looked at the kid and said “A little quieter honey”. WHAT?!? A little quieter? How about “don’t scream or you will get it”? That’s gonna stop the kid from screaming. The child kept screaming and rather than do anything about it, the mother just ignored him. Yeah, my mom had to stop me from going over there to let the kid know that it was not appropriate to scream. The child was at least 4 years old… old enough to know right and wrong, that’s for sure. Now I believe in God, but I’m not very religious, so the only option we had was to get out of God’s House to avoid the child. Totally ridiculous. The grounds of the missions were beautiful, minus the “historic” coke machine that was in the sleeping areas. Really? Did they need to add a coke machine out in the mission area? Could they not have just kept them at the visitors center? It was difficult to photograph much of the mission because there were so many elderly people wandering around peering at everything. Even when they noticed that I was taking a picture, they just apologized and walked through it. Why even apologize then? So confusing.
So I guess there is no point to my story other than: I haven’t written in my pointless blog for quite some time. I went to San Antonio to run a marathon. It was fun. Kids need to be kept under control. So do the elderly. :)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
You can have your cake and eat it too...
I baked a cake. Yellow cake with fudge frosting. It is amazing. I told someone about it and they told me that they didn’t believe me. Why would I bring up the fact that I made a cake if I didn’t actually make one?!? They said “ha ha… if you mean bought when you say baked then I believe you. You just don’t seem like the domestic type” Um, no, I mean I baked an effing cake. This is stupid to be annoyed with, but I’m not bad at baking and I have no clue why someone would assume I’m not domestic just because I don’t walk around wearing an apron with flour all over myself. This certainly means that I’m not interested in sharing my cake though. I know it sounds really bitter, but I just don’t feel like I should have to prove my baking abilities to people. I don’t go around telling people that I’m an amazing baker… it’s even more funny because I’m getting defensive about a cake that I made from a box mix. I usually bake from scratch and when people say something, I don’t even care, but I think this was the cake that broke the fat girl’s scale. I kept thinking about the wonderful cake all day while I was at work and how I wasn’t going to share it with anyone. Sure, I’m resentful. Not only that, I will make sure that person doesn’t get any holiday cookies either.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Weddings are the new trend? How about crack instead...
A lot of my friends are getting married lately. Well I guess I should correct that. A lot of my acquaintances are getting married. A lot of my friends are still single (thank goodness). Here’s my issue with the whole “getting married” thing: People look at me like I should be getting to that stage in my life and that I should be settling down with that special someone. That I should stop having ice cream and wine for dinner and start cooking casseroles or something. I wouldn’t call myself trendy, but I’m willing to join in if I think something is worth while. The thing with this trend is that I am not the only one to decide that I can be a part of this. It takes more than one person to make this choice. I’m all about jumping on that band wagon if I found the right person. That’s the issue… can’t find the right person. Why can’t my friends get into some other trend, like crack? That’s something I can buy into! I mean sure, it’s going to be an expensive habit, but at least everyone can be a part of it. Everyone can snort some lines and be a part of the cool crowd. Not only that, crack doesn’t make me plan a giant ceremony that everyone dreads going to just to watch me dress up and kiss someone. Nope, crack lets me kiss anyone and dress up whenever I want. It might be a little rough the further the trend goes when some friend starts stealing my tv to get a fix, but that is a risk I’m willing to take.
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