Yes, you read that correctly.
Let me give you a little background on this first. I don’t
really feel like I need a boyfriend most of the time. I like my life. I enjoy
pretty much every aspect of it. My work is great. I have friends that I hang
out with and the rest of my schedule is full. The fall: college football. The
winter: skiing. The spring: baseball. The summer: hiking and random adventures.
Finding the time to deal with a significant other just seems exhausting to me.
As my friends say, I’m #notgirlfriendmaterial. That is a consistent response
I get from them when I explain a date gone wrong, my lack of desire to meet up with
their “really great guy friend who would be perfect for me” or how every guy I
meet ends up being an idiot. I may not be girlfriend material, and that’s ok. I’m
pretty self-sufficient. I like being independent. It makes me cringe when I see
a female relying too much on her partner. For example, the other day I saw a boyfriend
carry his girlfriend’s skis. What?! Don’t even get me started. First rule of
skiing: carry your own stuff. But I digress…
Right now you are thinking “wow, your life is pretty great. Why
do you even need a boyfriend?” That’s a great question. I discovered this fall that there are a couple. Here’s my list of reasons I need
a boyfriend:
- To remove dead mice from mouse traps.
- To fix the garbage disposal.
Yep, it is a two item list. I admit that it is pretty girly
and ridiculous. I ran in to some situations this fall that led me to these
reasons. As the fall became the winter, mice felt that the best place to live
would be in my house. Clearly they didn’t consult me before making this
decision. So I had to set up mouse traps throughout the house. Which means I
had to dispose of the dead mice that were trapped. Needless to say, the experience
was gross. I kept imaging the limp mouse coming back to life as I was
picking it up and biting me or something. Basically it is a job that I would like
to pass off to my significant other if at all possible.
The situation that led to item two on my list was because I
like to keep my house clean. I was cleaning out the fridge and getting rid of anything
that was old. My roommate had some old food in Tupperware that I sent down the
drain. I flipped on the switch to the garbage disposal and it made weird noises
and wasn’t disposing (as the title of the appliance suggests). I turned off the
disposal and had to figure out what was wrong. This led me to stick my hand
down the drain. I had to dig through a bunch of muck while visions of my hand
being chopped off by the disposal flashed through my head. After about 30
minutes of digging through old food, unscrewing parts of the contraption and random
tampering, I fixed it. Yes, it’s exciting to think that I can be handy and take
care of something like that, but what is even more exciting is the idea of never having to dig through that nastiness
again. [Insert my need for a boyfriend here].
I know those two reasons are ridiculous. After realizing
those two things on my list were so silly, I figured I could come up with a
much longer list of things that I extremely dislike doing that I could pass
off, but I can’t. I have no problem fixing a car (or taking it to a mechanic if
needed), doing yard work, moving furniture, or doing any of the other “boyfriend
chores” I could think of. So the list of two items is my all-encompassing list
of reasons that I “need” a boyfriend. Maybe I just need a really brave and
handy neighbor. I guess that would also work…
Listening to The Shins.
